Through Blurry Eyes

I am short-sighted. Even with at about 200′ from perfect vision, I put my glasses on only when I really need to; for example, to read the board during lecturers, to drive, or to stare at my students who’s sleeping so soundly at the back row. Besides that, such as  walking down the streets, I don’t wear glasses, and most of the time I am oblivious to people waving to me from a distance.

So one day, I thought that I had enough of not being able to see clearly. I went to make contact lenses.

Or at least I tried to, and failed.

It’s frustrating for me in the beginning – once I start with a particular decision, I usually stick to it till the end. Usually.  I spend over half an hour at an optical shop at Pelita, desperately trying to put on one contact lens on. My involuntary response seems to be my strongest trait; a person who touched me, or try to, (not inappropriately, mind you) may get smacked almost immediately.  Too sensitive? My eyes too. They seem to reject any foreign substance drawing near, as I bring the contact lens closer my pupil, my eyes rapidly blink it off.

One of the optician says, “If you really want to put them on, you would be able to quite easily.”

It is only then I realised, I didn’t want to see clearly, not when I’m not required to. When a person stares at me a moment longer, I would get self-conscious. Do I have spinach stuck in between my teeth? Is there a zit on forehead that’s popping out? Did I forget to button up my shirt? Do they know about something I didn’t?

You must be thinking “That’s just silly!”

To be honest, you don’t need perfect vision to see what the world is becoming. Being a coward, I prefer oblivion to consciousness. It is also one of the reasons I don’t read news, not because I’m not interested in daily happenings, but I find them too depressing to know. Especially in Malaysia now, hell is breaking loose. Few months back, it’s about whether the phrase “Allah” should be used by Christians. Recently it’s about Malaysian parliament asking the Malaysian Chinese to get lost.

Does it seem ignorant to not know about what your own country is becoming?

Does it really?

it’s only at the times we feel like we hit rock bottom and nothing seem to matter anymore, only then we realise the minute details, the simple things we brush off daily as ordinary; a sincere smile, a lame joke attempt, or the pointless talks. the people we see as friends, classmates or simply acquaintances have a funny way to show us how they can be there, to cheer us up, to tell us there’s always a silver lining, even in the worst piece of news we can handle.. and for that, the world starts to spin a little faster, and suddenly it hits us; we have the missing pieces all along – friendship. It’s with that simple gratitude, the circle of kindness is formed, and can never ends. (From The Bigger Picture, February 16, 2009)

Sometimes it’s simple. You have just faith, and hold on to things that matter. Something beautiful still exists as long as there’s someone around to remember it.

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