Friendship is simple. It starts with curiosity, the desire to know more about the other person whether it is the blogger behind the ‘About Me’ page, or the committee members of the society you are a part of, your dance partners, or simply from a mutual friend. And then it blossoms with trust, hope and faith. Opinions are put forward, ready to be debated. Secrets are shared and promises are kept.
Friendship is simple, and like most other important things worth keeping in life, it takes time and commitment. Some people have a knack of making friends; they fall into conversations more easily and provide a positive aura that almost everyone loves. But not everyone is a natural. I find myself often socially awkward in gatherings, and learn the slow and agonizing process of the beauty of friendship. So I am constantly learning and reinventing myself and along the process of trying, I found a handful worth keeping for a lifetime.
I am a pessimist. It took me ages to be able to admit it, although I often colour myself as ‘a realist optimistic’. I wonder (and I do this a lot) if people really can change. A person’s body cells are completely replaced every seven years, so literally, we are a different person than we are a decade ago. Could we say the same about our personalities? For the stubbornness, the hot temperedness and the insecurities, does it get replaced or just concealed by a veil of maturity, understanding and acceptance.
Human are complex organisms and in the world where social cues are more dominating than being honest, we have to figure things out for ourselves. Actions speak louder than words, that’s a cliché but it’s true. I like to observe people. Body languages are more honest than words of mouth. There are, among many people I cross path with, some friends whose bluntness may bruise my pride but at least I appreciate the honesty.
I do wonder if I have changed over the years, or are my current personalities are previously dormant and purely enhanced by the experiences I have been through. I’m not saying that I am better than who I was before, but i’m just a bit different. Contrary to Lady Gaga’s ‘Born This Way’ lyrics, I believe if we didn’t like the reflection in the mirror, we should change it. If our eyes bear hatred, we should learn to forgive. If our smile lacks sincerity, be honest. If our nose are crooked… well, get the microphone out and sing your heart out.
The reason I am once again revisiting the past, now with a different perspective was inspired by a conversation with SL just a couple of days ago. She expressed her appreciativeness for including her in our activities, which were only a few. I was surprised to say the very least.
You see, I wouldn’t have done what I did if someone else hasn’t done the same thing to me. Kindness is contagious, and is most effective out of the purest of intention. You don’t forget how it makes you feel, and you will spread the love on. I used to hate being a loner but now I consider that a blessing in disguise. Without understanding how it felt to be the odd one out (not that she is), I would not have been compassionate. And from then, I have a soft spot on people who seems mysterious and a little out of place. Someone who reminded me of me.
As everything happens for a reason, I believe that there is a reason for the way we behave.
So, what make friends stay friends? Simple. Trust and compromise. Because you can’t tell what people think, you have to either trust them, or figure them out. The best of friends are those who do not need to try so hard being friends. Everyone is different, but among the many people we meet, sometimes we get lucky and find someone that is compatible with us. Just like you and I. Sure, there will be disagreements along the way, but friendships works only when both decide that it is worth keeping. And friends grow apart when one stops trying. One decides that the friendship lacks virtue and decides to stray. Let go.
if you read everything above, give yourself a round of applause. And now, I challenge you. Make someone’s day. If you are appreciative of someone’s presence in your life, tell them.
Say what you really feel.
Pictures taken in Platt Field, 1 May 2011. CANON IXUS 105