Behind every half smile

Friendship is simple. It starts with curiosity, the desire to know more about the other person whether it is the blogger behind the ‘About Me’ page, or the committee members of the society you are a part of, your dance partners, or simply from a mutual friend. And then it blossoms with trust, hope and faith. Opinions are put forward, ready to be debated. Secrets are shared and promises are kept.

Friendship is simple, and like most other important things worth keeping in life, it takes time and commitment. Some people have a knack of making friends; they fall into conversations more easily and provide a positive aura that almost everyone loves. But not everyone is a natural. I find myself often socially awkward in gatherings, and learn the slow and agonizing process of the beauty of friendship. So I am constantly learning and reinventing myself and along the process of trying, I found a handful worth keeping for a lifetime.

I am a pessimist. It took me ages to be able to admit it, although I often colour myself as ‘a realist optimistic’. I wonder (and I do this a lot) if people really can change. A person’s body cells are completely replaced every seven years, so literally, we are a different person than we are a decade ago. Could we say the same about our personalities? For the stubbornness, the hot temperedness and the insecurities, does it get replaced or just concealed by a veil of maturity, understanding and acceptance.

Human are complex organisms and in the world where social cues are more dominating than being honest, we have to figure things out for ourselves. Actions speak louder than words, that’s a cliché but it’s true. I like to observe people. Body languages are more honest than words of mouth. There are, among many people I cross path with, some friends whose bluntness may bruise my pride but at least I appreciate the honesty.

I do wonder if I have changed over the years, or are my current personalities are previously dormant and purely enhanced by the experiences I have been through. I’m not saying that I am better than who I was before, but i’m just a bit different. Contrary to Lady Gaga’s ‘Born This Way’ lyrics, I believe if we didn’t like the reflection in the mirror, we should change it. If our eyes bear hatred, we should learn to forgive. If our smile lacks sincerity, be honest. If our nose are crooked… well, get the microphone out and sing your heart out.

The reason I am once again revisiting the past, now with a different perspective was inspired by a conversation with SL just a couple of days ago. She expressed her appreciativeness for including her in our activities, which were only a few. I was surprised to say the very least.

You see, I wouldn’t have done what I did if someone else hasn’t done the same thing to me. Kindness is contagious, and is most effective out of the purest of intention. You don’t forget how it makes you feel, and you will spread the love on. I used to hate being a loner but now I consider that a blessing in disguise. Without understanding how it felt to be the odd one out (not that she is), I would not have been compassionate. And from then, I have a soft spot on people who seems mysterious and a little out of place. Someone who reminded me of me.

As everything happens for a reason, I believe that there is a reason for the way we behave.

So, what make friends stay friends? Simple. Trust and compromise. Because you can’t tell what people think, you have to either trust them, or figure them out. The best of friends are those who do not need to try so hard being friends. Everyone is different, but among the many people we meet, sometimes we get lucky and find someone that is compatible with us. Just like you and I. Sure, there will be disagreements along the way, but friendships works only when both decide that it is worth keeping.  And friends grow apart when one stops trying. One decides that the friendship lacks virtue and decides to stray. Let go.

if you read everything above, give yourself a round of applause. And now, I challenge you. Make someone’s day. If you are appreciative of someone’s presence in your life, tell them.

Say what you really feel.

Pictures taken in Platt Field, 1 May 2011. CANON IXUS 105


7 thoughts on “Behind every half smile

  1. Woay says:

    Hi, this is my first time reading your blog and I think it’s really really good! ^.^ I saw the post on fb and it caught my interest. =) I agree that friendship is simple as it requires trust and passion but at the same time I find it rather difficult for me as I’m not a very good social person to even make friends in the beginning. =( But of coz, I’m not gonna stop here. Hehe.. I’ll keep looking and I believe one day, all of us will make loads of precious friendships and memories along the way.

    I really agree when you mention that personalities are hard to change (probably because our brain cells doesn’t change, does it?). We’re different probably becuz of external influences and experiences that tamed and matures us. To totally change from the bottom of our heart, is probably the toughest thing. But I also believe that our original personality, we got it from when we were still young. We were once like a piece of white cloth, painted by surroundings. As we grow, we constantly trying to change or beautify the original cloth we had, to hopefully become a better person in the future. =)

    Okayzz, too much of crapzz! Keke.. Cya! And I love your blog! =)

    • Jill says:

      Aww.. Jing Woay thank you for reading my blog! 😀 i’ve always been meaning to write about topic like this and only recently been inspired to do so! 😀

      yeah i find it hard to make friends when we are shy. you want to, but it feels very difficult to initiate a conversation sometimes, is it? i always look at people who are more sociable and learn how they converse so effectively. i always believe in quality rather than quantity. of course it’s nice to know more people.. 🙂

      i like the analogy of plain cloth you used. my teacher used to always emphasise that we control our life, the strokes of the brushes we paint our cloth is entirely up to us. And when the painting is in the process, there are different perspectives on it. You may draw a dot on the cloth and people see it as a tear, a mistake, a mark, or whatever.. that’s perspective.

      Thank you once again!

  2. ezra says:

    taman bunga

    Reply: yes. platt field is indeed very beautiful 😀 i took the pictures on the way back from bbq.. that’s another post 😀

  3. mochafrappe says:

    I’d say you’re writing skills are getting better! Yey! *clap! clap!* 😀

    I’ve also thought (countless times) the possibility of people changing, and the best answer I can come up with is that IT ALL DEPENDS ON THE PERSON WHO WANTS TO CHANGE. Change is something that we need to really want to be able to accomplish. Its very hard (almost impossible sometimes) to do if your whole heart and will is not into it.
    If there’s something that I learned from all the years of living, its that most of the time the so called ‘impossible’ is only in our mind. We are our own master. Ourself is our own responsibility, which makes us the best person to help ourselves do something or anything.

    But most importantly, before trying to change, know yourself first and do so with love and respect. If you find it hard to accept a part of yourself and wish to change it, think about the people that love you as you are right now, and ask yourself, “Is what I am right now really bad that I have to change?” Change can either be good or bad, it’s part of life, so we also have to be careful of who we are changing to.

    What do you think? 🙂

    • Jill says:

      i’m improving? aww, that’s so sweet of you to notice haha. i’ve just been too busy to write up a long post.

      your answer is very true. Yes, we can only change if we want to. We determine who we want to be, who we want to let into our lives, and who can hurt us.

      Change.. i have written a topic on how i have changed (or so i thought) a couple of months ago. The link is at the bottom..

      I remember a quote from One Tree Hill “Take a look at yourself in a mirror who do you see looking back? Is it the person you want to be? Or is there someone else you were meant to be the person you were meant to be but fell short of? Is someone telling you you can’t or won’t? Because you can.”


  4. lilian says:

    beautifully written =) and yup true…i sometimes shove ppl away too. there’s this one girl who is like your friend too. she told me how she appreciates the little things ppl do for her. like returning a good morning and including her in a conversation. guess we often neglect ppl who are quiet eh? lol…

    ps: love your pics too!!

    • Jill says:

      lilian! 😀

      sometimes we shove people away… to see who will stay after we do. LOL. these kind of realistic quotes seem to stick to my head.

      aww, your friend is lucky to have you. i know i am.

      i don’t think we purposely neglect the people who are quiet. it’s because the people who are so socially dominant steals away all the attention.. and the quiet ones are left with anything but attention.

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